Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
