the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
