No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
