i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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