my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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