just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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