I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
