Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
