I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
