I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
