what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
