Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
