i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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