I wish I could teleport
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
