there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
