I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
