..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
