I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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