We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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