apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
