I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
