Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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