How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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