it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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