haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
