PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
