Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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