When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
whose parrot is this?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
