my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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