I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
