I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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