he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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