Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize