she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
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