it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
