their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
