I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
