Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
