you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i think i just lost a toe
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
