2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
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