Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
