When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i believe in u and ur pee
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
