Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We have started to decorate penises.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
