Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
