GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
