woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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