how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
