i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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