i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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