so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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