If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
