I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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