And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Fuck appropriateness.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
