you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
