We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
