the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
is that a dick in a sweater?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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