: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
