Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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