I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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