Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
