i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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