rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
